Wednesday, October 17, 2007

TS License Server and the Chamber of Secrets

So here's the scoop. We're retiring our main TS Licensing server and replacing it with a new box. Sounds simple yes? Yeah not so much.

The basic process is this you get on the phone with the MS Licensing Clearinghouse, which is a boiler room operation somewhere overseas, give them a bunch of numbers, and if the stars line up just right, then they give you a bunch of licenses to install.

So after the myriad of mindless voice prompts:
"Please say the operating system you're caling about"

"Windows 2003"

"It sounded like you said Windows XP. Is this correct?"

"No."
"I'm sorry, please say the name of the operating .."

"Windows 2003"

"It sounded like you said Windows 2003. Is that correct?"

"Yes. Damn this is a pain"

"Are you calling about licensing for terminal server, licensing for.."

"Yes. Terminal Server"

"I'm sorry. Please say your selection again.."

"Terminal server. Terminal Server! Terminal-fucking-server. What the mickey mouse fuck is your problem? None of your other products even sound remotely like the words 'terminal server'. You blind horse fucking toaster.."

"Transferring you to an operator"

"Mother Fucker!"

---Operator picks up---

[in a very thick indian accent] "Halo and tank you fah callind microsoft lichsing. My name is Bill. How can I assist you today?"

"Your name isn't Bill is it?"

"My name is Bill, yes"

"Seriously, what's your name"

[quietly] "It is.. uh.. Prasheid"

"Uh huh.. you guys in Redmond?"

"Redmond?"

"Nevermind."

"Look I need 90 thousand TS device CALs."

"What?" [Noises of the guy shitting a golden and curry scented brick can be faintly heard in the background]

"TS CALs - 90 thousand of em"

"90?"

"Ninety .. Nine.. zero.. thousand. Nine.. Zero.. Zero..Zero.. Zero."

"Hold on"

[Shitty hold music ensues]

"Sir I can't give you that many licenses."

"Our SA agreement should cover that amount.. what's the problem?"

"I'm not allowed to give you 90 thousand licenses"

"But we paid for that many. How am I supposed to get them?"

"You need to call back."

"What?"

"I can only grant 9999 per call"

"So I have to call back 9 more times to get the licenses that we paid for?"

"Yes sir"

"That's bullshit."

"I'm sorry?"

"Nevermind.. alright then.. so let go ahead with it.

"Okay sir.."

"Buttfucker"
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F-ing rediculous.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

roflmaoasmp!